Another Post about Feelings
In the opening pages of the book, High Fidelity, the narrator likens his heartache to a cold. By that, he means the pain that used to crush him in his youth is now just an inconvenience — like the sniffles. He seeks out old girlfriends and asks them what went wrong in an attempt to figure out why his most recent relationship broke up. The story ends with him getting back together with the girlfriend — a woman he never really wanted to commit to. He settles for her because he’s lazy, she’s convenient, she’s easier than being alone. It was the most defeated and realistic ending I’ve ever read in a work of fiction. I identified with it wholeheartedly.
It got me thinking about my weekly break-ups over the phone with my first real boyfriend, Fergus Blair. I would sit on my bed, crying and trembling and wishing on stars that I could keep him. This, despite the fact that he was a manipulative fuck who sculpted me into His Perfect Girlfriend. This was the source of all those tears, which smeared the bubbly handwriting in my journals? This inspired doodles of impaled hearts in the margins?
As preposterous as that sounds now, few things since then have felt so pure and immediate. Subsequent relationships, and their inevitable collapse, conditioned me to expect pain. So when I feel it, it’s uncomfortable for a while, but eventually clears. The only drawback of having built antibodies to my own emotions is that my wisdom has diffused the pains and the thrills, alike. Yeah, the pain might not be as acute but on the downside, I’ve never been as randy as I’d get when Fergus and I were fooling around in my parent’s basement. It was all so brilliant and new. When we finally did sleep together, I thought it was the best thing EVER. [Now everybody’s doing it. Sex is as special as a handshake in most circles.]
Back then, falling in love was an optimistic act. Now it’s awkward. Having a crush was all-consuming. Now it’s just another time killer. Having a drink was illicit and sexy. Now it’s just a Monday night.
With this post, I’d like to announce that: as much as I’ve acclimated to life’s excitements, may I never become blasé and defeated like the guy in High Fidelity.
[John Cusack made the character loveable in the movie, but the guy in the book is a joyless wank. Just read it.]
posted by Jules @ Thursday, November 09, 2006
4 comments
4 Comments:
Try reading it again in a year or so. I did, and it was a very different book. It was defeating in round one because I was with a drip of a girlfriend. But round 2 encouraged me to have a life. Maybe it's just 'cause I'm a guy (and lets face it -- it's a "guys book"), but High Fidelity is the most important book in my library.
John Cusack would have me believe that the Rob (?)in the movie chose comfort over pain...which to me is a pragmatic choice, albeit one that secures the ticket sales of the female demographic.
One reason I chose to work with kids is that it offers me endless insight on human and particularily gender relations using a mainly unjaded and enthusiastic sample of the general public. Basically, at the end of the day I have an opinion of humanity that is equal parts interesting and annoying, but altogether easier to swallow.
What I'm trying to say is that, you can't be happy all the time, you can't be excited all the time and you can't be grumpy all the time. Picking up after yourself and using manners is about all you have control over. More to the point, life is one long uphill battle with some very nice moments along the way. The view is the same all the way up, the perspective is what changes. Does that make sense?
Some people dread working with kids....I dread working with adults.
That's the great thing about kids. Everything is new for them (up to a certain age) and all new things are exciting. But the best part is, anything, and everything, is possible. No matter how unlikely something may seem to an adult, find the right kid and it's the honest to goodness truth. It's what makes writing for them so amazing.
A bit of a deviation from the post, I know, anonymous sent me on that tangent
To add to Douglas' point; being a teacher, it's my job to allow kids to think anything is possible (my regrets to any child who didn't entertain that thought for some time). If I'm going to spew that thinking to them, I have to do it from an honest place...meaning I have to believe it to. More has happened for me in my life since I began working with kids then prior. Before this get's too 'Disney movie of the week', goonight and pleasant dreams everyone.
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