This Thanksgiving, I’m Grateful for THE TRUTH

If you want to make a friend, tell them a secret. That’s my motto.
Consequently I pimp out my secrets to those who intrigue me, all in the interest of making them think they’re seeing the ‘real’ me. The logic in this is that when people think they’re seeing the ‘real’ me, they reveal the ‘real’ them. And then presto, we’re pals. I shared a secret just this evening during a moment of one-on-one time with a co-worker, and I reckon this person and I are now bonded by this prohibited information.

Before I continue, I must point out that perhaps this revelation is too personal to be published on my blog. Now all of you friends and lovers out there will think my moments-of-truth are disingenuous — mere pawns in my game of winning your friendship — but I assure you this is not so. Though I admit it’s a handy tool.

Don’t you wonder how secretive people get by in the world? When they reveal nothing, they risk nothing, and what is a friendship but a risk on another person? When you care about someone, you put your heart on the line, you open up and risk judgment. But every day, I meet distant and deceptive individuals who, despite seeming as interesting as a ball of lint, have ten thousand friends. How do they get by on surface alone? How long can you talk about the weather? Or recipes? Or movies? Or sports? Isn’t it a bit more interesting for someone to bleed TRUTH all over the place? Uncomfortable and inconvenient — but refreshingly REAL?

Like the time my mother, who has been battling an illness, told me at Spring Rolls that she and Dad had just bought their burial crypts at Mt. Pleasant Cemetery. Lovely, I thought, and so bloody terrible.
Or several months later, also at Spring Rolls, when I suddenly and calmly told the man I loved that it was over. The truth freed me from a shitty relationship but made me feel shitty for having lied to myself the whole time we were together.
Or the time I confronted a boyfriend about his alcoholism. He smiled and thanked me for finally noticing.
Or when a friend gave me a play-by-play of her abortion.
And a man told me about the 5 years he spent in Taiwanese prison.
And my ex-best friend told me, in one paragraph, that she was 1) gay, 2) got beat up and kicked out when she came out to her parents so she sought refuge with her raver friends and, consequently, 3) she got hooked on crack but eventually she 4) went into rehab and then moved across the country to attend Ryerson.
And then there’s the time you and I cried on my balcony because life is so sad, silly and strange. Then we laughed, because isn’t it liberating to acknowledge the craziness?

In celebration of TRUTH, here’s a short list of my secrets:
— Even though I play it cool, I suffer from late-twentysomething career/relationship/apartment anxiety.
— Despite what you think, I am not aloof. Even Jules gets the blues.
— I will probably always want to lose 5 lbs.
— I have a self-diagnosed form of OCD when it comes to the efficient use of space.
— I’m possessive of pens.
— I have to write everything in my agenda. Were it not for the fact that future engagements are listed on the upcoming pages, the future had may as well not exist at all.
— I’m snobbish about music, and would love a dictatorship of juke boxes.
— I’m a crazy cat lady.
— I’ve secretly watched the Young and the Restless my whole life.
— I also secretly watch all teen shows, from Degrassi to 90210.
—Taking a cue from my ex-best friend, ‘The Ex-Crack Addict’, I sometimes spike my morning coffee with Bailey’s.
— I don’t like to say goodbye at parties, so I disappear through back doors and hope no-one notices until I’m in the taxi, well on my way home.
— I, too, Appear Offline.
— Despite being a heathen, I prayed on my birthday…just to say thanks for 26 (even though 26 makes me twitchy, as aforementioned) Amen.
— Yes, I am a word nerd. I have a dictionary right beside me and am referring to it now.
— I’ve had secret flings with people you might know, and am still reluctant to tell you about them.
— I know you keep secrets too, but I haven’t confronted you about them. I’m waiting for you to bring them up.
— So tell me!